Whenever we talk about relationships, it’s always from the perspective of a person that is trying to make sure they aren’t being mistreated. We create lists and questionnaires like “how to tell if your man is cheating” or “how to tell if she’s the one”. Very rarely do we flip the mirror around and evaluate our contribution to the dynamics of a relationship. Get out!
My good friend Barzini, posted the question one day on Facebook that stopped me dead in my tracks: Who is praying you out of THEIR life? Of course, I could identify people that I needed to stay away from or even people that mistreated me in the past, but to consider that there is a person out there that I may have treated so poorly, mismanaged their emotions, or abused our relationship to the point where they would call out to the heavens to remove ME from THEIR life was just… ugh!! The shade!! The pompous, arrogant side of me stood up in indignant disbelief and rattled off no less than twenty-two reasons why this would never happen. And then I got quiet and really considered the question… This was my process.
1. Who is it? Be honest! Who can you ask to bring you Chick-fil-a on a Sunday and have them actually trying to figure out how to make it happen? Who can you send a sporadic text message to and get a reply from before you can finish pressing send? We all have that someone that we know gets excited about us and who loves to spend time with you, but you won’t give them the time of day. Maybe because they are not your type physically or mentally… or maybe because you aren’t emotionally available… or maybe you are still in a relationship and can’t seriously entertain them. Whatever the case may be, there is someone that you know would love to run away with you, but you either cannot or will not reciprocate the sentiment. What is their name?
2. Stop ruining their life. To keep people around because their presence serves your selfish needs is just not okay. If you know this person is lingering because they think something may happen one day, but you have no intention of taking them seriously, release them. If you’re on that “I’m not ready, but I want to hold on to her so she’s there when I get it together” tip, release her. If you’re the “I mean he’s cute, but I don’t really want to be with him, I just like going out to eat” deal, release him.
People have real plans for their life and real feelings attached to those plans. Stop impeding their goals and give them the freedom to find their mate. I don’t care if you already told them that you aren’t interested in them and they keep coming around. As a result of you continuing to engage them, they can’t move on emotionally. Your actions are not lining up with your words, which means they think they may still have a chance. Grow up and take some responsibility for that. Stop texting, calling, and reaching out via social media, period. Your random pop ups are intrusive and inconsiderate. Let them live.
3. One word for you: Karma. This concept is replicated across various cultures and belief systems, but the sentiment is always the same: what you put into the atmosphere is what will be returned to you. If you are constantly using other people to stroke your ego or, worse, stroke your… eh-hem! You can have a reasonable expectation that you will experience a certain level of pain and discomfort. It may not be returned to you in the same manner it was doled out, but trust me, that energy will be returned in one form or another. If you don’t care enough about that person to leave them alone for their well-being, then do it for your own sake.
Keep your hands and conscience clean so when you call out to the heavens for something you want, you aren’t met with a booming response of “But remember that one time you kept commenting on his status knowing he like you??” Have some consideration for other people’s feelings. Don’t prey on the feelings they have you in order to get your needs met. If you dig a little deeper, I’m sure you will find that there is someone with a mutual interest in you that would love to stroke your ego and scratch that itch.
Still with me? I know that one was a little rough, but sometimes we need a good shaking up. I walked the path myself and answered a few prayers with my absence. We’re in this together! Remember, say who they are, stop ruining their life, and do for good karma if nothing more.
And of course, Therapy is a Lifestyle!