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Sorry Beloved, There is no Crystal Ball

Good ole Facebook gives us a medium to get information to thousands of people in a matter of seconds. Some of that is great: petitions, police brutality issues, funny baby videos, etc. But on the flip side, we can’t seem to escape those memes that just make you ask “Who did this? Who came up with this nonsense and why is it spreading like wildfire?” Let me explain why there's no crystal ball.

I came across a meme the other day that stated “A real boyfriend knows his girl like the back of his hand. He knows when she’s mad, sad, aggravated, happy, hurt because that’s his girl”. Now see [insert mean side eye] what type of frabberknackle are we circulating out here people? Women read this and what happens next: we get a bunch of women who walk in irritated because he ate the last oreo cookie and he can’t tell by the way she slammed the cabinet that she is utterly hurt… sooooo… he gotta go. Huh?

If you and your mate have a healthy and open line of communication, you strive for an argument free relationship, hold regular family meetings to ensure you are in tune for the week, then this post might not be for you.

But baby, if you are still pouting when you don’t get your way, withholding, eh-em, “affection” when he makes you mad, plotting scenarios where “If I do this, he better do that”, or saying “he should know me well enough to know, I shouldn’t have to say anything”, then please, read on.

Your partner is not a mind-reader: No seriously, as obvious as this sounds, you partner is not a psychic medium using their skill set to bypass using assertive communication. They don’t look at you and say “I have a vision… I see dollar signs and cheap shoes… Yup, Belinda in accounting was talking that trash again, huh? Yup, I knew it. And you want a Barbacoa bowl from Chipotle with some green sauce on the side too?… yup. I know babe. I warmed up my crystal ball while you were pulling up in the driveway”. And if they do, I want to meet them because that Powerball is getting crazy!

Your partner is not wrong for not being a mind reader: Let that sink in. Stop criticizing, attacking, belittling, etc your partner. I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but most people don’t have that gift. It’s not a poor reflection of their character either. They are not a bad boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife for not being able to read you. That is not a reason to break up or have the “we need to talk” conversation. They are not by default inattentive, which is usually more of the root cause behind the hurt feelings. Just take it as they are trying, but missing the mark.

You need to explain yourself: This is not one big round of charades that we’re playing here. If you are a fully functioning able-bodied adult with the full capacity of your mind and mouth, you need to verbally communicate how you feel. We are dynamic beings that are changing all the time. Believe it or not, your preferences change. Your likes and dislikes shift. Your idiosyncrasies are the things that make you unique from the next person… that’s why your partner doesn’t know them all. Your partner isn’t you! If you want the toilet paper roll put in a certain way, say it.

If you need 13 minutes of quiet time when you walk in the house, say it. If it hurts your feelings when his friends talk recklessly around you, say it. Don’t fall prey to this inaccurate notion that your partner will prove his love by knowing all of your likes and preferences. That type of wisdom comes with intimate interactions coupled with verbally informing your partner.

I can relate to the feeling wanting to cry and have your partner come over, hold you, and completely understand you. I think we would all love to have that type of unspoken intimacy and interaction. Believe me, it can happen. There are plenty of people that have achieved that type of connection.

Just keep in mind that those who do have it know it comes with genuine communication that includes a period of explanation.


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